i'm an expert in feeling bad without knowing why. my mother says ride it out, you just got to ride it out. my friend says try smoking, try drinking, try, for once, for once in your goddamned life, coping and functioning. my other friend says try falling into love, try aiming your foot for the pothole, try wet ankles and messy knees. the ghost of my father says try me, i'd like to see you try— me? i'm an expert in the field of egg cartons. expert in looking without seeing. living without loving. expert in the field of never really saying anything i meant to say.